From a drawing by Sam Proud.
‘PLEASE MISS,
THERE’S NOT ENOUGH GREASE
ON THESE CHIPS!’
‘Give me lovely sweaty chips;
hamburgers like sailing ships
awash in coagulating seas of oils –
never mind the spots and boils,
the warts, the rashes and the pimples
who wants creamy skin and dimples?
I can look equally demure,
innocent and pure.
‘If you give me double beans and bacon
and leave that fibre muck untaken.
You can stuff your ‘orrible ‘olefood!
It’s strictly for the stomach pseud:
they’d rather nibble like the rabbits
and other animals with sheepish habits.
No, give me loads of lard and fat
and lots of extra chips to ogle at!’
